February 19th was the day I landed in Korea. It has been almost four months.
I wish I wrote a post about what my expectations and goals were to see how different they've become, but I learned new things about myself, and I've grown. I can feel it.
I've been alone with my thoughts for quite awhile, and anxiety is a constant companion. I never knew I had so much anxiety back home, but it's there. Always telling me my apartment is going to burn down and to always carry everything with me. It's always a reminder when I'm walking down the stairs that at any moment I could fall and mess up my legs. Just a reminder of everything bad that can happen.
Another part of my anxiety is wanting to be "successful." My definition of success was to get a great job and make money. Making and having enough to live very comfortably while having the ability to buy nice things. And it's just so crazy how that is what my definition of success is. I think it's a lot of people's definition, but I no longer want it to be mine.
Another part of my anxiety is wanting to be "successful." My definition of success was to get a great job and make money. Making and having enough to live very comfortably while having the ability to buy nice things. And it's just so crazy how that is what my definition of success is. I think it's a lot of people's definition, but I no longer want it to be mine.
One of my new goals is to find a different meaning. In the end, I want my definition to be happiness and doing things I love, but I feel that's so vague. Just like my definition of minimalism is surrounding myself with things that make me happy, but it's been difficult. There are so many things that give you temporary feelings of euphoric, and it's hard to distinguish from pure joy. Korea has been a blessing because it is giving me time to find things that I enjoy and what's crucial to me. I'm glad I didn't go straight down the path to Law School just because that's what everyone else is doing.
But some things that make me truly happy are:
1.Editing and making my vlogs.
They are awful, but learning and finding new songs is super fun! Each one feels like my child. They aren't amazing, but I'm proud of them :)
2. Finding new ways to be healthy.
3. My cheat days
4. Waking up to messages from friends and family back home.
5. Videos of my dog T_T
Since getting a new camera, I plan on making more vlogs. So maybe I'll get better at those. As for the other things that make me happy...if you know any job professions which has any of the above as requirements, send them my way~
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