Living here having my place, has given me so much time to think. Before coming to Korea, I figured I had a sense of what kind of person I was, what I wanted, and what made me happy. These past three months have shaken up those thoughts and feelings. I have never felt more unsure of myself ever before. It's so disheartening realizing all these things you have never known after 24 years.
I never considered myself an anxious person, but recently I have been getting so worried that I have trouble sleeping. Sleeping has never been an issue for me, and now I'm having trouble with it which has been making me even more anxious.
I have been reevaluating all my relationships. Like...are these relationships healthy for me? Why am I still in them. Is it because they're comfortable? Am I stuck in them? I don't know what to do with them.
Worst of all, I still absolutely don't know what I want to do with myself. I have never felt so lost, confused and discouraged. The future always scared me but thinking about it now makes my chest feel so tight. The thought that I may grow up and be absolutely NOTHING and make my parents so disappointed when they've given me everything makes me so sad.
I hate writing such negative posts, but I want people to know that life isn't always a fucking rainbow. There are some dark ass moments when you feel so shitty, and you're like what the hell am I doing with my life. I hate sharing my feelings especially the negative ones, but if anyone is ever feeling this way, you aren't alone. It sucks, but we can do it. These moments are the turning points in life leading us towards our self-discovery.
I never considered myself an anxious person, but recently I have been getting so worried that I have trouble sleeping. Sleeping has never been an issue for me, and now I'm having trouble with it which has been making me even more anxious.
I have been reevaluating all my relationships. Like...are these relationships healthy for me? Why am I still in them. Is it because they're comfortable? Am I stuck in them? I don't know what to do with them.
Worst of all, I still absolutely don't know what I want to do with myself. I have never felt so lost, confused and discouraged. The future always scared me but thinking about it now makes my chest feel so tight. The thought that I may grow up and be absolutely NOTHING and make my parents so disappointed when they've given me everything makes me so sad.
I hate writing such negative posts, but I want people to know that life isn't always a fucking rainbow. There are some dark ass moments when you feel so shitty, and you're like what the hell am I doing with my life. I hate sharing my feelings especially the negative ones, but if anyone is ever feeling this way, you aren't alone. It sucks, but we can do it. These moments are the turning points in life leading us towards our self-discovery.
Photo from the top of Bukhansan Mountain in Seoul. I never knew my intense fear of heights and when hiking this mountain, I had an absolute breakdown convinced I was going to die. Cheers to those days that make you appreciate life.
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